The making of Disorganized, both the film and the show, was an undertaking that spanned two years. At the time of its inception, I didn’t realize I was taking on such a big thing. The elements came together in various sized chunks, taking me into completely unknown and at times deeply uncomfortable territory.
Those two years began with letters.
I wrote to the parts of myself that were most challenging; those I created distance from and struggled to have a relationship with. What started as a release exercise born out of emotional desperation became two years of process work.
This work included months of psychosomatic preparation, photoshoots, improvisational movement, choreography, rehearsal, screenwriting, production, editing, and last but perhaps most important, showing the work!
As a filmmaker, seeing my letters come to life on screen was a natural evolution. A reaction to two questions — What would happen if I put these parts of myself on screen so that I could confront them? So that others could?
Disorganized became more than a process or a film, but a thesis. Through it, I’ve learned how to let a concept bake, to allow a thing to take on a life and shape of its own. I learned that collaborators are healers and co-regulators. I learned how to create a new process, letting the steps reveal themselves as I put intention to action. Among the things that I learned and will carry with me, I learned how to be more vulnerable in my work and in my life.
This work has led me to a new place, where there is no standard or expected beginning, middle, or end. Where the work is not finished, and that is enough for now.
